Season 11 Episode 3: Kelly’s Gotta Habit
October 12, 1996
Kelly is up for a commercial as the face of Extra Extra Virgin Olive Oil, a brand made by nuns, and the contract comes with a morals clause requiring her to remain chaste for the duration. The role also requires her to wear a habit, which is where the title comes from twice over. Holding to the clause proves beyond her until Peggy supplies some technique, and Sister Benedicta is dispatched to the Bundy house to verify that the arrangement is being honoured, which puts a nun in a living room that has never survived close inspection.
Al’s half of the episode is a love letter to COPS, which at the time aired on FOX at eight on Saturdays, directly before this series. He learns that Officer Dan is going to be followed by the show’s crew and decides that being on COPS is his life’s ambition, which leads to blackmail, a ride-along and a Beretta. The cold open is the most audacious thing in the episode: Al and Jefferson watch the end credits of COPS roll, then hear the Married… with Children theme start up, and comment on the fact that the show is somehow still on the air, while behind them Peggy sits bound and gagged as a burglar empties the house.
That fourth-wall break and the closing cameo were both casualties of syndication; the ViacomCBS cable prints cut them. The cameo belongs to Tina Yothers, appearing as herself in the epilogue to reveal that she is one of Bud’s clients, and it stands as her final credited acting role to date. Officer Dan’s explanation of why he works alone, three partners lost in a week, is the best line he gets in eleven seasons.
Episode Facts
- Original air date: Saturday, October 12, 1996 on FOX
- Season 11, Episode 3
- Overall episode 241 of the series
- Production code 11.06
- Written by Laurie Lee-Goss and Garry Bowren
- Directed by Amanda Bearse
- The title plays on She’s Gotta Have It and on a nun’s habit
- Staged as a pseudo-crossover with FOX’s COPS, which aired immediately before this series on Saturday nights
Guest Cast
- Tina Yothers as herself
- Nancy Linari as Sister Benedicta
- David Pressman as Mike
- Lewis Dauber as the Sketch Artist
- Bryan Rasmussen as the Burglar
- Terrence Flack as the Real Cop
- Peter Kerr as the Cab Driver
- Gerry Lock as the Old Lady
- Bert L. Cook as Cab Driver #2
The COPS Crossover
The cold open is the most formally adventurous scene the series ever attempted. Al and Jefferson watch COPS finish, “Bad Boys” fading out, and then the Married… with Children theme begins, within the episode’s own reality, and the two of them discuss the show they are in as something that has been on television too long, with Al rating it a classic apart from the stupid neighbours. The whole exchange plays over Peggy, tied up in the background, being ignored while her house is robbed.
The crossover was real scheduling rather than just a joke. COPS had been a fixture of the FOX Saturday lineup at eight and this series had just moved to nine, so the episode’s references to events in that night’s COPS landed for an audience that had been watching ten minutes earlier. The syndicated prints on the ViacomCBS networks cut both the fourth-wall opening and the closing cameo, which means most later viewers have seen a version missing the episode’s two most distinctive pieces.
Officer Dan gets his best material here. The insurance report he helps Al pad, a bowling shirt, a Maserati and a Picasso, with a second Picasso written in for himself, establishes the character’s ethics in about four lines, and his explanation of why he rides alone is delivered as a mild professional inconvenience rather than an alarming confession, which is precisely why it works.
Famous Quotes
- Al: “Man, I love COPS.” / Jefferson: “Yeah, definitely the best show on FOX.” / Al: “Yeah, like that’s saying much.”
- Al: “The American justice system at work. Beating the crap out of people before judges let them go. Almost makes me want to pay taxes.” / Jefferson: “Or vote.”
- Al: “I got eyes in the back of my head, you know.” / Peg (gagged): “Hey Al! Looook!” / Al: “Peg! Could you keep it down?! We’re trying to watch TV, here!”
- Jefferson: “Do you believe that show is still on the air?” / Al: “It’s a classic. I love it… Except for the stupid neighbors.”
- Officer Dan: “For your insurance report, we got you down for a bowling shirt, a Maserati, and a Picasso.” / Al: “Make that two Picassos. Write one down for yourself.”
- Al: “It’s my life’s dream to be on COPS.” / Officer Dan: “But, Al, I work alone. You lose three partners in a week and suddenly nobody wants to ride with you.”
Notes
- Tina Yothers appears as herself in the epilogue, revealed as one of Bud’s clients. As of recent years it remains her final credited acting role, though she still appears on talk and reality programmes.
- Both the epilogue cameo and the cold open’s fourth-wall joke are cut from the ViacomCBS syndication prints.
- “Bad Boys” by Inner Circle plays over the end of COPS, followed by Frank Sinatra’s “Love and Marriage.”
- The handgun Al carries into the D’Arcys’ house is a Beretta 92FS.
- Bert L. Cook, a production crew member, plays the second cab driver who refuses to take Sister Benedicta back to her hotel.
- Christina Applegate’s ankle tattoos are visible on both legs when Kelly raises her arms after Officer Dan kicks in the front door.
- Goof: Peggy’s “just finished” painting is accompanied by an obviously unused paintbrush.
- Goof: the shotgun Al fires through the squad car roof leaves no visible damage in later wide shots.
