Monty Hoffman
Al tells a bartender how he worked twelve part-time jobs in twelve days to pay for Christmas presents, the worst of them being the mall Santa shift. Flashbacks run back to 1974. The gifts he eventually hands out were taken from the bar. One of the uncredited children in the choir is Meghan Markle.
Al and Jefferson reach their limit with the pregnancies and retreat to a bar called the Paternity Ward, where a vendor sells fake identities to men looking to disappear. Al prices out becoming an ex-football player with a cool name. Conclusion of the two part premiere.